To choose to follow a life of nutrition and wellbeing is self-evidently a path that bears its own rewards, of legs that look like gluten-free meat-free hot dogs, or the ability to throw higher level Ashtanga poses into routine daily gestures / random pointing. Answer the phone with a side stretch all day long by all means, but pay heed, as your newfound trendiness may well unfurl like a cheap yoga mat if you fail to properly pronunciate the many thorny words that must now pepper your vocabulary at every opportunity.
Here is a quick guide to healthy words you’ve kind of heard of.
What is the difference between a spiralizer and spirulina?
A spiralizer is a machine which makes zoodles. Zoodles are zucchini noodles. Zucchini is American for courgette. You can tell it’s new and trendy because it still has the US spelling, with a ‘z’, which can only imply that it hasn’t yet been accepted by the British establishment as a legitimate cooking tool. On the other hand, spirulina is a cyanobacterium, which slightly worryingly seems to be from the Latin for blue bacteria, but on the plus side is a superfood algae that is actually really good for you.
Can I write a poem called ‘Will Stevia Make Me Heavier’?
Yes, not all poems have to rhyme. However, if you’re like me and must rhyme everything, then no. Stevia is pronounced Steve-ier, for instance if you’re called Steve and your mysterious doppelganger appears and your friends are like, ‘Hey, that guy’s even more Steve-ier than you are’.
Is cacao the same as cocoa, and is it the same noise as birds make when they are mating or in pain?
Cacao and cocoa are equally useful to know about, not only for Scrabble, but also for general information. Raw cacao is made by cold-pressing unroasted cocoa beans, whilst cocoa powder is raw cacao that’s been roasted at high temperatures, reducing the overall nutritional value. Cacaaa is the sound a bird makes, but admittedly at high altitudes it can sometimes be confusing. Don’t try to throw cacao nibs at the birds, mainly due to health & safety and cost considerations.
Who or what is a free radical?
Either a far-left revolutionary that has just been released from jail, or alternatively an atom with unpaired numbers of electrons that can start a chain reaction damaging cellular components. If unsure which your dinner party guests are referring to, remember the maxim that one never discusses politics or religion in polite company and assume that they are talking about the latter. If they mention antioxidants in the same conversation, start nodding vigorously and jump in to the conversation with ease and confidence. Tell everyone how impressed you are that the antioxidants are helping to protect against the recent insurgency of these no-good radicals.
How do I pronounce quinoa?
As poshly as possible, for example, ‘my bag-for-life was torn and so I’m afraid I spilled some quinoa (keen-waa) in the Mercedes'.
Is almond mylk just almond milk trying to be cool?
Yes. I mean yys.